What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 00:05
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But it wasn’t much.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ive learnt so much.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Especially a lifetime of it.
If Jesus was crucified by Governor Pontius Pilate, why does the Quran deny his death?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
They are buried together, in the same grave..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
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Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Would this be the day?
Watch an asteroid the size of an aircraft carrier make a close pass of Earth on June 5 - Space
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He resisted the act ,that day.
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But ive been too sick for many years..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
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.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
When she asked me how she looked .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What does it mean when a British person says "I can't be asked"?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So whats the point in blame.
Im still living with it.
Why did my crush like me for only two days in a row?
She was in good health!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
This is soul school!.
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I had hoped to write a book about this .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What did someone say to you that instantly made you realize their life was in danger?
He knew the spot.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
What has been your best sexual experience?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What did i know ?
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And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why does my vagina and around my butthole itch? I don't have weird discharge and I'm still a virgin.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I write beautiful poetry .
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She found it foreign!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She married twice! .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I will be 64.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was scared of men, in general
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We all went to grammer schools
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It was going to be , some day.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One cannot live in the past .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I don,t even have a pension.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was seconnd youngest,
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But, we were locked up after school.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
We were not on the streets..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Comes on , in middle age.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i lived it daily.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I have no regrets .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Put me off passion for life!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She wouldn,t have been !
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
All the time i was locked up.
My life is so biszare .
So, i spoilt her more .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was very sick at this time too.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My family never makes their pension either.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I think the readers, may guess!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She loved him until the end.
Who then, do I blame.?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I waited trembling.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I said to her
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was 9 years of age.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why did i forgive my father ?